ugggggh. what a shitty day, for serious. yuck yuck absolute yuck.

SO. here are three things that always cheer me up! hopefully they will work their magic tonight.

1. david bowie, SECRETS.

2. "has anyone in this family ever even seen a chicken?"

3. ( & this picture )

some thoughts on:

( last night's merlin )

&

( tonight's doctor who )

THINGS:

1. you guyyyys, cherrybina also wrote fic about bradley being an adorable faily poser trying to win colin's indie heart! (and it's totally awesome, GO READ IT!) but the point is, doesn't that count as some kind of critical mass of, like, reality? if we both wrote fic about it, independently but almost simultaneously, doesn't that make it true?

2. someone on my fflist posted a link to this photoshoot of tom felton, gushing about how hot he looked. but omg, all i see is horror. i can't even enlarge these images; just the thumbnails have me cringing in sympathetic embarrassment.

3. meme time! Pick a paragraph (or any passage less than 500 words) from any fanfic I've written, and comment to this post with that selection. I will then give you a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what's going on in the character's heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, lots of awful puns, and anything else that you'd expect to find on a DVD commentary track.

i don't actually have all that much fic, but this looks like fun. what little i have written can be found under my fic tag.


eta: i totally forgot the most important bit! JAMES FRANCO IS GOING TO BE ON GENERAL HOSPITAL. i already harbored an irrational love for the franco, y'all. this is not helping.

Kind of Like This

summary: In which Bradley has an awesome Plan to win Colin’s heart. No, seriously. It’s got phases.
rating: light R
notes: It’s the lovely lovely derryere’s birthday today! And thus, 4,000+ words of UTTER BULLSHIT. I can’t promise you’ll like this, darling, but I did manage to squeeze, like, 90% of our inside jokes into it, so if you hate it, THAT’S NOT MY FAULT. For the rest of you: um. GOOD LUCK.
warnings: None for content, though there’s a seriously NSFW link in there. This was super quick and dirty, so give a yell if you see any heinous errors or obvious Americanisms (not counting spelling—crackfic doesn’t merit bothering with different spelling conventions)!

( happy birthday, heleen! )

1. i somehow managed to tear off my big toenail in this awful weird way where it's still connected to part of my skin so it won't actually just fall off. FML, man. i'm seriously considering putting a couple of coats of nail polish on to see if it'll act as an adhesive. suggestions?

2. take a sad song: i don't like mondays, tori amos.

3. & make it better with an oldie but such a goodie: you make me touch your hands for stupid reasons.

4. finally, help me, flist! you're my only hope! adorable shoes on sale: this pair or this pair?

TWO THINGS.

1) this mcsweeney's link: it's decorative gourd season, motherfuckers! BECAUSE IT IS.

2) where's the merlin rps fic challenge using texts from last night as prompts? that exists, right? PLEASE TELL ME THAT EXISTS.

"I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind."

"it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away

"a: i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
b: dude...come out of the closet already"

"He just said 'I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that.'"

"i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis"

"You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job."


BRADLEY/COLIN, GO.

SO.

my bb derryere had an icky sort of presentation-filled day today and sent me all kinds of texts sounding like she needed cheering up and also possibly like she wanted to get a tattoo (WTF I AM STILL WAITING FOR AN EXPLANATION THERE).

HOPEFULLY THIS TINY FICLET OF UTTER RIDICULOUS WILL CHEER HER UP A LITTLE!


tree!merlin snippet doesn't get a real title

summary: um. fairy tales. TREE!MERLIN. whatevs, just go with it.

( happily ever after )


i know this isn't what you had in mind with the whole tree!merlin thing, heleen, but hopefully it will make you smile, at least? VIND JE DIT LEUK?????

a rec and a question:

1. tying up along your coast, by lilysaid. it's drake & josh rps, which, ok, STOP JUDGING RIGHT NOW THANK YOU. but dude, this is so awesome and hot and, strangely, completely believable. GO. READ.

2. i love this dress. but how would i wear a bra with that back? relatedly, is that back too risque to wear at a family holiday dinner?



also: IT'S ALMOST HALLOWEEN! what are y'all gonna be? omg i love this holiday.

right now, i'm pretty sure my uterus is attempting to claw its way out through my stomach and i have the sinus headache from hell. thanks a lot, world.

i've spent all evening locked in my room with the lights off, popping pills and watching old rob lowe movies on youtube. (people never understand when i tell them this, but rob lowe circa 1984 is IT for me in terms of attractiveness. that is the most beautiful a human being has ever been, and you'll never convince me otherwise. the fact that he seems like a total douche just makes him hotter to me.) but the point is: DON'T YOU FEEL TERRIBLE FOR ME? DON'T YOU WANT TO MAKE MY LIFE A BETTER PLACE?

you should start by writing me horatio hornblower fic! or watching class and writing me fic about that (boarding school fic, you guys, come on)! OR HEY, MERLIN/ARTHUR ALWAYS DOES THE TRICK.

or you could just send me a new body. i think the warranty's expired on this one. ughhhhhh.

FUCK YEAH OBAMA

holy shit, you guys, IT'S OCTOBER. when did that happen? damn.

anyway, because it is OCTOBER, i can almost sort of legitimately start playing christmas music! does anyone have a really good version of handel's messiah they want to upload for me? pretty pretty please?

in other news: MERLIN. my initial reaction can be found here, in this glorious, epic, stunningly crafted coda heleen and i wrote last night. (i know it's tacky to rec your own work, but when your own work is THIS AWESOME, it's tacky not to.) after letting the episode sink in for a day, my further reaction ( is as follows )



eta: for anyone who doesn't understand david bowie's appeal, please watch this. sweet christ, y'all, i would have so so so much sex with this man. (also, check out the guitarist behind him in the frilly skirt. even his backup band is hot, guys!)
♥♥♥

a few few things:

1. i haven't caught up on supernatural beyond the season premiere. is it going to make me super sadface when i marathon it this weekend?

2. i already posted this in a comment to staraflur, but the more i think about it the more it makes sense to me. so allow me to present my incredibly half-assed meta on merlin (specifically, the arthur is a super dick aspect of it) so far this season: ( spoilers? maybe? idek, man )

3. have any of y'all ever seen the a&e horatio hornblower movies? because if not, holy fuck oh man should you ever. something reminded me of them the other day, so i've been mainlining them all week and damn but they are just as fantastic as i remember. so, you know. watch them!

( HERE LET ME CONVINCE YOU )
IN CONCLUSION: horatio hornblower is fantastic and you should all check it out, and it's all available on youtube starting here, so you really have no excuse not to.



eta: i don't like any of my icons. somebody give me an awesome one to steal! who's got something really good?

dear world,

i got it from my mama, will.i.am

i wear my stunna glasses at night, the federation

gaston, beauty and the beast


YEAH, YOU'RE WELCOME.



love,
zara


ps sorry for all the drunken posts this weekend. i blame derryere.

wer'e fogin out we're drunk episdoe two was freaking awesone bow that -- i'm freaking here too i'm derryere I LOVEW EVERYBODY

derryere is grateful for JACKSHIT we're gonna go dancing and were're super hot



THIS IS WHAT MERLIN DOES TO US

my new goal in life:

to write a fic utilizing the description HE MADE LOVE LIKE AN EAGLE FALLING OUT OF THE SKY. unironically.



instand merlin reaction: TOO MUCH HET BUT I GUESS AT LEAST THAT'S OVER NOW????? IDK SPOILER.


ETA I GOT IT FROM MY MAMA

ok, so, like, who's writing the high school au where merlin is this total loser kid who plays magic: the gathering and wears t-shirts with dragons on them and arthur is this super cool jock type and merlin goes on made to learn how to be a ladies man (er...men's man?) and win his heart just in time for the school dance? and morgana is his made coach? and gwen and will are merlin's skeptical but supportive best friends? and lancelot is arthur's douchey jock buddy? and gaius is, like, the curmudgeonly chemistry teacher who's on probation for touching his male students inappropriately?

because someone's writing that, right? SOMEONE DAMN WELL BETTER BE.


in other news, ( MERLIN 2x01 )


eta: i feel like doing something meme-y. ask me some questions about...idk, my icons or my username or my lj headings or something. whatever. distract me from the monday night doldrums!

via jezebel:


Carrie Fisher found a blog post in which someone said she used to be hot but now she looks like Elton John. She responded on her blog writing, "You see, I was hot when most people are hot— in my fucking 20's & part of my 30's……THEN, in an effort to imitate humans, I had a child &, to further maintain my life like disguise, I took medications for about 9 thousand years, &, despite all my efforts, I continued to get older & older—inadvertently, I assure you——I tried to arrest my development physically as WELL as emotionally, but unfortunately without as much success. I also must confess that I ate food. I'm sorry….. I realize that I promised never to eat anything but lettuce & sun flower seeds, but tragically, I was unable to keep my promise."


oh princess leia, i love you so.



eta: "puckered" is the least sexy descriptive adjective ever. if i read about one more goddam "puckered entrance," imma stab a bitch.

i haven't had any inspiration at all to write lately. i just keep coming up with titles, with absolutely no accompanying plot ideas.

so, uh. here! fic titles! FREE TO A GOOD HOME:

1. everybody knows this is nowhere
2. an ecstasy of fumbling
3. as under a green sea
4. the morning on the wave
5. sore afraid new world


in other news, i still haven't come up with an appropriate way to ring in the new season of merlin yet. any suggestions?

& in conclusion: SLAMMIN' TITS.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE INCREDIBEL MORAL DILLEMA I JUST FACED SO THAT YOU MAY KNOW THE EXTENCT OF MY AMAZINGSTRENGHTH OF CHARACTER AND PROPRERLY VALUE OUR FRIENDSHIP;

IT'S TRAHSY TUESDAY AND I WAS ABOUT O HOOK UP WITH THIS PAINFULLY FUCKING HOT LACROSSSE PLAYER BUT THEN HE TOLD ME I HAD 'SLAMMIN TITS" ANDI COUDL NOT IN GOOD CONSENCE GO ON


WHO SAYS THT?????/

VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION:

any of you guys live in/near london? i'm booking flights home to the states for christmas, and i might need a place to crash either december 11th or 12th.

i promise i'm a super fun house guest! think of all the campy tv we can watch! THINK OF ALL THE BOOZE WE CAN DRINK!

also: if you have any suggestions of cheap ways to get to the us, i am ALL EARS.

xoxo